I see more and more that low self-esteem is a problem for most people. I do not deny that I also had periods when my self-esteem was so small that I felt pretty uncomfortable among people.
For that reason, I worked on it and today want to share with you how can you improve self-esteem fast.
The main problem, in my opinion, is that there is still a distorted idea of self-esteem. But what does that mean exactly?
We tend to confuse self-esteem with the Ego. What’s even worse is that we think they are synonymous, but it is not so.
Let us first try to define the difference between Ego and Self-Esteem.
The main difference is that the Ego bases itself on the differences between us and the others, while the Self-Esteem knows no differences because it belongs to the True Self.
In the next paragraphs, I will define this concept better.
Let’s go step by step;)
Low self-esteem can be dangerous
The Ego leads us to make comparisons with others, and more often than not it makes us feel inferior, inadequate, and to have social problems.
A few years ago I attended a theater school. By I was a little girl I wanted to become an actress. Only that before paying the first fee did not know the kind of people I would meet.
My parents immigrated twenty years ago to Italy, and I finished school in this country, but I always and rightly remain a girl from the East. Before starting the theater, I never felt the weight of being a girl from the East, because I had never found myself in environments where there were prejudices on my origins.
The director of the theater, who also was one of the teachers, was a person who took himself very seriously, who did not have a sense of humor, but he made fun of the others. And he had severe prejudices toward the women of the East, of dubious nature.
His jokes have hurt me, but I never dared to talk to him about it.
I thought I wanted at all costs to prove to them that the fact that I was a foreigner did not prevent me from being a good actress. The reality was that I wanted to be accepted by them, because they treated me like a different one, often judging my performances by using false stereotypes.
The fact that they believed themselves superior to foreigners, and perhaps even the fact that that school was expensive, or other reasons, led me to over-estimate those teachers and to feel inferior to them and also to my Italian fellows.
You can imagine how passed the rest of the year. Whenever the teachers asked me anything, I got anxious, and when I had to talk to them, I could not breathe. Their constant criticism made me cry constantly. I was always under stress. I continued to give them importance. And they realized it. For that reason, they treated me with superiority. They probably did it also with the others, but perhaps the other fellows did not feel inferior because of their origins.
My fellows felt my sense of inferiority towards them, and they also criticized me often, or maybe my Ego felt judged by anyone in that school.
The problem is that if you feel inferior to someone, it senses it and unknowingly will treat you with superiority.
Have you ever experienced a similar condition?
Returning to my country, after ten years I was away from it, reminded me that in reality I am proud of my origins and I do not need to feel inferior to anyone. There is no nation superior to another, nor a race superior to another. These are preconceptions created by those who have homophobia.
As for my theater professor. I realized, even if after too much time, that he had homophobia. So I used my energy to make myself accepted by people who already had their problems.
For that reason, I’ve finished that school with a diploma, but with huge traumas, which I had to heal after that experience.
What is (Low) Self-Esteem
As I said before, Self-esteem belongs to your True Self, which does not know comparisons, nor envy. Not the sense of inferiority, nor the sense of superiority. It is aware of the fact that whatever the situation you are experiencing at the moment has been, albeit unknowingly, chosen by you; so it does not need to think that someone else’s life is better than yours.
Self-esteem is granted to you at birth, while the Ego during the years of growth. The Ego grows thanks to the society that teaches you to have a sense of competition.
Let’s take children as an example. They do not have limiting beliefs that lead them to believe they are better or worse than others, and they do not see others as different. If a child is in the park and sees another child, his intuition tells him to go socializing. He doesn’t concern about whether he will be accepted or not. These concepts are learned later.
Although I must say that nowadays parents, and especially grandparents tend to interfere in the games of children, perhaps because they are often present and therefore think they have to teach them to behave, not realizing that they threaten, this way, their innocence.
Let’s understand what is low self-esteem.
A person may have low self-esteem when he has a cynical vision of himself, caused by:
- Child problems
- Psychological trauma
- Psychic or physical violence suffered
and therefore presents itself:
- Excessively Shy
- With a sense of inferiority towards others
- Unable to control emotions
- With difficulty to relate to others
- With fear of being judged
- With the fear of not being understood
disguising self-esteem with:
- False security
- False pride
and causing negative consequences with the partner, friendships, children, at work and above all in personal fulfillment.
The judgment we make about ourselves shift in all our behavior, in our every decision and on our physical appearance.
Self-respect, on the other hand, consists in recognizing our value.
Improve self-esteem fast
Various ways can help you improve your self-esteem. And there are many things to say about it. But I will share with you only a few but effective ways.
1. Let’s start with the first one. Divide your life into three equal periods; for example, if you are 30, your three time periods should be from birth to age 10, 11 to 20 and 21 to 30 years. Then list three successes you’ve had for each period.
To give you an example, I have listed my own below:
First Third: birth up to the age of 10 years
- First place in poetry competitions
- Diploma as a nerd of the class in the last year of elementary school
- First place at relay races
Second Third: Age 11-20
- I was already talking five foreign languages.
- Goethe Zertifikat
- I took the license
Final Third: Age 21-30
- Degree in foreign languages and literature
- Professional diploma in acting
- I bought my first home
After you have written your achievements on a piece of paper, stick it on the fridge or wherever you can see it often; this way you’ll remember your past successes. It does not matter that they are exceptional things. Every little victory is significant because it reminds you that you have achieved something in the past and that you can do it again.
Remembering your successes will significantly help your self-esteem and make you feel more confident about yourself.
2. Keep a diary for your achievements. Every night before going to bed, write down five things you did during the day that brought value to you and those around you. They can be simple tasks that you have accomplished, something productive for your job, or even merely having devoted some time on your well-being.
Me, for example, among the five things, I congratulate myself for the simple fact of having done some workout;)
By writing down your daily successes, you’ll become, day by day, more productive and more satisfied with what you have and what you do.
3.The exercise in front of the mirror. Every evening, for at least three months, sit in front of the mirror and congratulate yourself aloud for:
- Any goal achieved during the day
- Any personal discipline you kept (as to dedicate time to reading, follow a diet, do some training, meditation, etc.)
- Any temptation that you did not give in to (eating dessert, watching too much TV, getting up too late in the morning, etc.)
Maintain eye contact with yourself through the exercise.
After congratulating yourself for the positive actions of the day, remember to say to yourself “I love you.” Then stand there for another few seconds to feel the impact of the experience; as if you were the one in the mirror which had just listened to all of this appreciation.
It can be embarrassing for you to speak in front of a mirror with yourself. In the beginning, you will feel a bit blocked, but over time you will do it in a completely natural way.
Talking to yourself in front of the mirror, focusing only on the decisive events of the day, will have a substantial impact on your subconscious. You will become aware of the things for which you are grateful, and you will end up attracting more and more positive events, That way you’ll start living an extraordinary life.
Avoid comparing yourself to others because you can never fully know what lies behind the apparent success of other people. Behind the security of someone hides insecurity, behind a smile you can hide the sadness, and someone can also feel alone even in the midst of many people. We do not know the lives of others, we have no right to judge them, and above all, we can not want something we do not know.
I say this because more than once I met people who tended to perfection, they had success and love from those around them, but then when I looked at them carefully, I saw them alone, full of insecurities and dissatisfaction. So I learned never to underestimate anyone, but not even to overestimate someone.
If you need to improve self-esteem fast, choose an exercise of the three that I listed above and start putting it into practice.
If I have not been exhaustive enough and you still have some doubts, please leave a comment below.
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