How to gain clarity – The 3 Steps

How to gain clarity – The 3 Steps Image

How to gain clarity – The 3 Steps

Are you at a point in your life where you do not feel satisfied enough, even if you live a dignified life? Do you feel like you’re doing a lot of things every day, but none of them make sense in your life? Keep calm; you do not suffer from some incurable disease that does not cause you thoroughly enjoy your days. Is not it that you do not live in harmony with your real identity?

Of course, every day we have some reason to be grateful, maybe even the simple fact of being alive but basically, we feel like there is a light turned off inside us. It is not such a desperate situation. The world is full of people who share your same feelings. Have you ever noticed people when they laugh? In many cases, they show their teeth, but there is no light in their eyes does it make sense to you?

We can achieve everything in our life. The problem is that sometimes we don’t even know why do we want a specific thing. We live senseless relationships without knowing if we are really in love, or we have a lifestyle that doesn’t satisfy us, we do a job that we do not like, or we frequent people that have no importance in our lives. Well, you can add something else to the list if you want;)relationship

We are unaware of our choices and our lives because nobody taught us to make us the right questions, and since we were young rarely somebody supported us in our decisions. But the purpose of this article isn’t to complain about something or someone. We can’t change the society, and we have no rights to change others, but we can improve ourselves.

In this moment of your life, look around, and take awareness of your situation. I want you to know that you are the result of your past thoughts and actions. You are 100% responsible for your life. And you are the only one who can write your own story.

But the beauty of life is that we can change it, even when it seems impossible. We can change things by making clarity on us and our lives.

Get clarity about who you are

The first question to ask is: “Who am I?”

I want you to know that you’re not the person you thought you were up to now, nor the person your friends thought I was. It is not so easy to know who we are because ever since we were children, others have influenced us with their thoughts. And probably, today you think that your characteristics correspond to the labels that others have put to you.

When I was attending a course in “Time Management” by Eben Pagan, in the last lesson, we had to do an exercise that made me reflect. In that exercise, I discovered parts of myself that I liked and others that I kept in the shadows just because I did not want to accept them. And I found those parts only by noting three qualities of someone I admire and three defects of someone I probably do not like. We praise in other aspects that already belong to us, and at the same time, we criticize others for the defects that we possess. A straightforward exercise, but that has had an impact on my points of view since I discovered my strengths and weaknesses.

You think of others the same things you feel about yourself, but perhaps you are not aware of it.amicizia

You will not immediately find the answers to your questions, but if you make room for your thoughts to questions like these: “Who am I? What are my strengths and what are my weaknesses? What are my goals? What do I want to have in life? “, you will find the answer. Simple questions that will have a significant impact on your life.

If you get clarity about who you are, your self-esteem will improve dramatically. Furthermore, low self-esteem is because we do not know who we are and what our value is and let the judgments of others influence us.

When you decide what your goals are, you should put a deadline to reach them. Only in this way you can make sure that you will work on them, otherwise, they will seem hopes, which you will not necessarily realize.

Get clarity about who you want to be in the future

Once you understand who you are, you should start thinking about who you want to be in the future. Imagine the best version of yourself and start acting like the person you want to become.

We continuously think about ourselves, but often our thoughts are negative. We think of that story that ended badly, that hard day at work and so on. But it’s time to think about your future intentionally. Think of the emotions you want to experience, the image you would like others to have of you, the skills you want to develop and work to get the best.

We must not think about the future as if it were to arrive in 20 years. The future is already tomorrow. One day you have not yet experienced.

A way to understand what you want

We usually think about what we do not wish to. For this reason, I invite you to take a sheet of paper and divide it into two columns. Write on one side of the paper all the things you do not want for your life. On the other hand of the write the opposite of what you do not wish to (for example: if you write on the left “I do not want to work for someone else” on the right part you will write “I want to start my business”). In this way, you will get some ideas on how you want your life to be.Relax

Decide on your priorities

What are the significant things in your life?

That kind of thing must never be lacking in your life. Have fun following your principles and make room for what matters. The things that give meaning to your life are those for which you feel the enthusiasm that provides you with satisfaction and with which you identify yourself.


Here is a task that I’ve found in the book of Brendon Burchard High-Performance Habits,” which helped me ( you can see it here if you want):

  • Write down three words that describe your best self (Some ideas for how you can embody these words more often this upcoming week are)
  • Three words that could define how you want to treat other people are ( some people in your life whom you could improve your interactions with this week included)
  • The 5 skills you are trying to develop most of your life right now are… (the way you can learn or practice those skills this week includes…)
  • Three simple ways you can add value to those around you this week are ( something you could do this week with real focus and excellence to help someone else is)
  • The primary feelings you want to cultivate in your life, relationships, and work this week include ( the way you will generate these feelings is to)
  • Something you can do or create that would bring you more meaning in life is…

OK, this is what I know about gaining clarity. Those questions and exercises helped me a lot, and I hope it’ll also be useful for you!
Let me know;)








Author | Marta Comments | 8 Date | January 29, 2018

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One thing for sure about me, I lack clarity of my own strengths (definitely) and weaknesses (probably).

Why do I say so?

Because there are really times when i feel that I do not have any strengths but I have literally all the weaknesses that anyone can read off the list, such as being lazy and slacking when i shouldn’t be, procrastinating my work, being untruthful with my answers etc.

However, people usually say that I’m the opposite of who I think I am – and that makes me really confused. Some of my friends think that I just don’t see myself accurately enough, but I feel that that’s not the case, I really do not have such qualities, although I’m (trying my best?) to work towards them.

I have done many exercises about my values, beliefs, and characteristics etc. but I don’t feel that they are useful at all. I have tried listing what I want, what I don’t want, and many other things that you have suggested in your post, but I do not feel any changes in my life.

Do you have any idea why this is so?

June 4, 2018 | 6:44 pm


    Hi Rachel,

    thank you for taking time to read my article.

    So, I can understand your confusion, because I experienced it, like many others.

    Anyway, you are a unique person with your single point of view, and your reality is the result of the way you see yourself and the external World.

    You should answer yourself to the questions: How is your self-esteem? Do you maybe have to work on it? Or Are you a perfectionist?

    In both cases even if there would be changes in your life, it would be hard for you to see them.

    Life isn’t static, it’s in continuous motion, and we can at any time change our route.

    You said you don’t see any changes in your life, but are you ready to experience them? Maybe yes, but any change and any achievement have a price, which we have to pay. And even if we want our life to change, we are not always ready to release our actual lifestyle. We are not still aware of it. 

    Even though you work on you, if you have some blocks, you can’t go anywhere.

    I read a book years ago which changed my life and perhaps it can give you a solution to your issue.

    Maybe you already know it. It’s ” Reality Transurfing” by Vadim Zeland. I think you can also find it in any library or on Amazon.

    June 4, 2018 | 8:29 pm


I think that this exercise is useful for gaining clarity, but clarity by itself seems completely amoral.

In an existential way we can create our own moral code and through clarity find a way to be true to that code, yet the code itself may be evil.

As you probably know Hitler wrote “Mein Kampf” before he rose to power. He had clarity on his purpose and the destiny of the purified German people. Hitler’s clarity was bad for Jews, gypsies, gays, and lots of others.

Can self-focused clarity give us the wisdom of how to live together in peace, justice, and prosperity?

June 4, 2018 | 1:04 pm


    Hi Peter,

    Thank you for taking the time to comment on my article.

    I don’t like to be a moralist, and I agree with your point of view, even though I didn’t think about Hitler when I wrote this article.

    I think we have a purpose in life, and having clear what is our goal and committing to it, can make us feel happy. I think if you love yourself and live the life you want you’ll be more careful to other people.

    I’m not talking about a code that you have to follow, neither I live my life this way, but I know that I feel good when I have more clarity in my life.

    People who are confused in their lives cannot live in peace, justice, and prosperity.

    Meditation is the first thing that helps me to gain clarity.

    Anyway, this exercise helps you to improve a condition of confusion but won’t get you to make the horrible things Hitler has done.

    The purpose of this article is to help you to gain clarity, not for having a code but for you to improve yourself as a person and to live a happy life filled with gratitude. People who live per inertia can’t even see the things they have to be grateful for.

    Was Hitler a happy and grateful man?

    I don’t think so.



    June 4, 2018 | 3:03 pm

Melo Ann

Thank you Donna for this helpful article. Yes it is easy to focus on what you feel is lacking in your life instead of what you can do to change it. I like the exercises given to bring awareness in terms of pinpointing what you want out of life. And you are right, no matter how we were raised we are all now the authors of our own destiny. Thank you for this important reminder.

June 4, 2018 | 11:13 am


    Hi Melo Ann,

    Thank you for taking time to read my article, and thank you for your comment. It is crucial for us to put into practice things we know are useful. We often know what we have to do to feel good but we do not always choose the right things for us.

    Thank you for appreciating this article, I hope you’ll put the exercise into practice:)


    June 4, 2018 | 11:24 am


Wow! This article is top notch! Such an eye opener. A lot of questions that kept alot of people in the dark including me has been solved in just an article. Self esteem is one part I want to address. Have always had a low self esteem, but with time I grew a bit pass it. But with this article I can try sort somethings out with myself. I am so showing this to my friends. Thank you!

May 7, 2018 | 10:35 pm


    John thank you

    May 8, 2018 | 6:15 am

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