Hello, are you particularly shy and afraid to ask for anything you need?
Beyond the fact that shyness does not exist, but that it’s only a label that others have put on us since we were children, let me tell you that most of the people today don’t know how to ask for what they want. They don’t even try to ask because they are afraid of being rejected or ridiculous.
When I was a child, everyone taught me that it is rudeness to ask, because this “art” belongs only to Gypsies, and woe to consider them an example.
So, often, even if we want or need anything, we sit in a corner and maybe even pretend to be indifferent towards the desired object.
It seems so shameful to ask for what you want, that someone has written books about it. This kind of books is full of strategies you have to learn if you’re going to get the things you are asking. I will write a couple of tips in this article, even if I prefer spontaneity and trust in the generosity of people;).
Children are the purest example to follow, because despite they hear hundreds of NO a day they continue to ask for everything they want until that No becomes a Yes. That’s why we often have a lot to learn from our children. They are pristine beings and live in perfect harmony with nature.
So, if you want to know how to ask for what you want and get it, you should merely watch your children and learn from them;).
What happens if you do not ask for what you want to get?
We do not ask for what we need because of our pride. We are afraid of showing our weaknesses or of showing our need to someone else because we are afraid of feeling inferior.
When I was a college student, and I lived away from home, I had some financial problems, but I never told my parents that I needed money.
My mother has been so good at teaching me to get what I needed by myself that I excluded the option to ask even when I was in real need. I must say that I had tough times. But when I think back to those moments, I know that I have to take 100% responsibility; poorly living had been my choice.
I was even ashamed to get into a restaurant and ask if they were looking for staff.
When you resist your need and do not satisfy it, you create a big block, which leads to an unbalance. And as you know, when there is no balance in our lives, we feel somewhat stressed. You can’t progress if you’re stuck, you can’t going anywhere.
The same is true for your career. If you think you deserve a promotion because your abilities exceed the position you are covering, you have to ask for it. Nobody gives you anything if you do not ask. Tendentially everyone thinks of himself, no one will think about how to make you earn more than you are receiving; this is your business. So if you think you deserve more, ask for more. Otherwise, you will live a mediocre life full of dissatisfaction. When you are dissatisfied with your job when you feel unrealized, you fall into depression, and this creates a strong unbalance in your life.
Many families experience crises that result in divorce, and often the cause is the lack of communication. You can’t expect your partner to stop misbehaving if you do not tell him that you don’t like his attitude, for example. We often assume that others need to know how to deal with us, but we forget that no one can read our minds.
So just for pride or fear, you can risk your marriage fail; instead, it is enough to communicate and ask your partner to correct what is not good.
The pros and cons of asking for what you need.
Let’s start with the cons:
If you ask for something and receive a refusal, you may feel momentarily uncomfortable. You can feel rejected and feel ashamed. What you think after a rejection, if not well accepted by you, can lead you to block yourself until you stop daring. Your self-esteem may lower.
If you ask and receive what you need, you start feeling more confident about yourself and wanting to dare again. Surely your self-esteem does not change. And in the meantime, you have enriched yourself with what you needed.
Why you should reject rejection.
If you want to have the courage to ask to get, you must learn to reject rejection.
When you receive a No, you do not have to take rejection as something personal. Remember that when we say NO to someone, the first ones we reject are ourselves; which means that we refuse to fulfill an action.
When someone tells you NO, most likely he does not judge your request, it just is not part of his priorities. So we must never stop at the first rejection. We must never stop asking. There is always someone who wants to answer Yes to your requests; you have to find the right person.
3 Ways To Ask And Get
If you’re going to ensure an affirmative answer, you must learn to ask. Here are three ways:
Ask more times – If there is a specific person who can give you what you need, but on your first request he/she has answered negatively, you have to find the right time to let him/her say Yes. Often a person tells us NO because we ask the pleasure at the wrong time. But trying to pray at various times there is the possibility that you find the right moment and that you receive a Yes. So do not refuse to ask several times to the same person.
Giving for Receiving – Persuasive communication teaches that if you want to receive a Yes by anyone, it is enough that before asking the favor you offer a gift or help to the one who then will have to return the favor. The person who has previously received support from you is more likely to do anything you ask because he will feel obligated to you. The sense of duty is very present in people. And if someone feels compelled with you, they will do everything to stop feeling this weight.
Make them feel important – If you can make feeling important a person, if you make them understand that only she/he can help you, it is very likely that she/he will feel flattered and will yield to your requests.
We all like to feel important to others, and if we know that someone values us, we do our best not to lose their consideration.
Ok, I hope that after reading this article you want to take away your fears and start asking for what you need. Write on a piece of paper all requests you would like to ask and get from others and do start practicing.
If you have other questions or other suggestions to make, your comment will be valuable to me and others.